My husband and I have one child. A two-year-old girl, and while I can honestly say that I love her, I really hate being a mom. I will admit this is better than when she was brand new, but I still hate it. I hate the immense responsibility; I hate that all she wants is me a lot of the time. I do my best to be a good mom. We spend a lot of time together since I am a mostly stay at home mom, not by choice, and it may be changing soon, hopefully. We play, I had to her, we spend a lot of time outside. I try and teach her stuff and really be present. But I hate it. I look forward to her going for her naps, I can’t wait until she goes to bed at night so that I can have time away from her.
I wish I knew what it would actually like to be a parent before I decided to get pregnant. I miss my old life. I miss just going out; I miss being able to pick up shifts at work whenever we don’t have to worry about child care. I miss being able to be spontaneous with my husband.
I hear it gets better, and it has to an extent. My friends all comment on how sad they are that their kids are growing up, but I haven’t felt one pang of sadness about mine growing up. I relish each additional piece of independence she gains.
We are not having any more children. In large part, due to my realizing that I actually hate motherhood, I think this is the best decision. I would actually go crazy if we had another. Thankfully my husband is on board with this. But I see people getting pregnant and having their second and third kids, and I wonder what I’m doing so wrong and why I hate it so much.
I’m not sure what I hope to get out of this post. I guess I’m hoping I’m not the only one who regrets becoming a parent and some reassurance that it will get much better.
Source : Medium